Friday, February 04, 2011

I heard some sad news yesterday and I am so bloody angry.
Going back some years ago,when I lived at home in Oxford and when geoff and I first met in 1976,we used to go to the Cowley Workers club.
We loved it, it was a great club and everyone got on so well. We used to play snooker and bingo and we just had a great laugh.
Well, there was one man everyone avoided, he name was Joe.
Joe who then was in his early sixties, was a nasty little man who upset everyone (and he was little as well, he was just 5'ft tall and weighed about 8 stone) and he used to call everyone all the names under the sun, He didn't even say it in a quiet voice, he used to make sure they heard him.
Nobody took much notice of him and we used to laugh and just say, here he goes again.
However after a year or so,it did then start to get on your nerves and everyone got to hate him.
No matter what you said to him he was always ready with an insult.
"You fucking bastard....." was his usual remark.
Nobody understood why he was allowed back in the club, he should have been banned.
We know he lost his wife some years before and his daughter, sue, was looking after him.
But he did not appreciate it one little bit.
Sue worked full time and looked after joe, cooking, cleaning,and the usual housework things, and seven nights a week she drove him up to the club and then went back at eleven to pick him up.
She was shattered.
Sometimes at the weekend she used to stay with him, and what a grand night she had.
He was still the same, cursing, shouting.

Once we asked her why she stayed with him and got the obvious answer that he was her dad and he wouldn't know how to boil a kettle for a cup of tea let alone cook any food.She also said he was as bad as this when he was at home, swearing, cursing, about nothing in particular, just life.
Sue was a heavy smoker and we all knew why,having to put up with him.
About a year ago, Joe died quite suddenly, and nobody was sorry.
We all felt relief for sue because now she could relax and have a life of her own.
She had a boyfriend and ,of course, Joe did not like him, although he was fine really.
So, instead of getting married they just stayed as boyfriend/girlfriend.
Her boyfriend could not live with sue and her dad. Nobody could.
My mum told me that she had found out that sue had not been well but did not know exactly what was wrong with her.
A friend of ours then told us that sue had got lung cancer.
We couldn't believe it.
After all she had gone through with joe, the absolute hell he put her through.
She was told she only had a few months to live.
My mum phoned me yesterday and yes, you're right.
Sue had died.
Luckily, her sister and her boyfriend was with her when she passed away.
But what is making my blood boil is that joe was not just a nasty little man and upset many, many people, he also killed sue.
That nasty little bastard put sue through so much stress and strain she had a very unhappy life.
If she wasn't under so much stress with him for so long she may have not smoked, or, if she did, she probably would not have smoked so much.
She would not have got lung cancer and ended her life so early.
She was 56 years old.
R.I.P Sue.
At last she can rest.


thoughts running through my head.... said...

thats sad Annette! She should have told him where to go!

Old Plod said...

Dear Annette,
I was so moved by your posting concerning your friend Sue. Most social clubs have at least one "Joe" in their midst and I contend it is up to the Chairman and Committee to put a stop to bad languge. I detest it and in my Conservative Club he would have received a substantial period of suspended club membership and if repeated a lifetime ban would soon follow. No one should have to put up with such moronic behaviour no matter how much they spend in the club. I do hope your friend did not suffer a protracted period of illness with her lung cancer. She is now at peace and rest. Such a tragedy for a relatively young person. Warmest good wishes to you and Geoff as always. David.x.

Annette said...

Thankyou David,
I admit that I have never felt so much anger.
Just when she must have been getting her life into order, she got the cancer, it seems so unfair,
I feel as if he took her with him!
As if she hadn't had him for long enough.
I know it's terrible to talk about someone like this, but thats the way he was, unfortunately.
She worked all her life and looked after him.

but as you say, she is at peace now.

Hogdayafternoon said...

What a tragedy. I think I read in a book by Janet Street Porter a truth that I experienced many times in my `previous life`in the police, that being that although blood may be thicker than water, just because someone happens to be your brother/sister/father/mother it does not necessarily follow that you have to actually like them. This may sound a little odd, and I am glad to say that I have a wonderful family, but its not a pre-requisite. Many families I dealt with got so down and guilty about a totally obnoxious relative. I always told them it was a bonus if you happened to stay friends with family `black sheep`. They have their own personality and attitudes pretty much set from about their teens and there's very little that will alter that, even ones hard-wired genes. Good and trusted friends can often be more sustaining, but it doesn't make this case any less tragic.