Here's a few jokes for us to enjoy:
A married couple in their early 60's were celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic restaurant.........
Suddenly a tiny, beautiful fairy appeared on their table.
She said:"For being such a wonderful married couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish."
The wife answered:"Oh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband."
The fairy waved her magic wand and-POOF!- two tickets for the Queen Mary 11 appeared in her hands.
The husband thought for a moment:
"Well, this is very romantic, but an opportunity like this will never come again. I'm sorry, my love, but my wish is to have a wife 30 years younger than I."
The wife, and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So, the fairy waved her magic wand and- POOF!- the husband became 93 years old.
The moral of this story:
Men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairies are female!!!
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker are exploring the jungle and are captured by a fierce tribe.
The chief tells them:
"The bad news is that we've caught you, we're going to kill you, and then use your skins to build a canoe. The good news is that you get to choose how you die."
The Frenchman says:
"I take ze poison."
The chief gives him some poison,and the Frenchman says, "Viva la France!" He then drinks the poison.
The Englishman says:
"A pistol for me please."
The chief gives him a pistol, the brit points it at his head and says:
"God save the queen!" He then blows his brains out.
The New Yorker says:
"Give me a fork."
The chief is puzzled, but he shrugs and gives him a fork. The New Yorker then stabs himself all over-the stomach, the sides,the chest, everywhere. Blood gushes out from every hole.
The chief screams:"What are you doing?"
The new Yorker turns and looks at the chief and he says:
"So much for your canoe!"
A lady calls the police to report her husband is missing.
The police arrive and asks for a description.
"He's 6ft 2ins tall, blonde wavy hair and has a smile that makes everybody love him."
The police then go next door to verify this report and the lady next door tells the police:
"You can't believe her. He's 5ft 4ins tall, has no hair and he wears a perpetual frown on his face."
The lady then goes next door and asks the lady why she had given the police such a false description.
"Just because I reported him missing, does not mean I want him back!"